The Most Successful One-Armed Serial Killer You Never Heard About: Peter Stumpp

And no, we didn’t make that up. The one-armed madman’s last name really was “Stumpp” although it was also commonly spelled Stube, Stubbe, or Stumpf based on its Germanic roots. Good ‘ol stumpy was a German farmer, popular for his alleged love of witchcraft, cannibalism, and, oh yeah, being a werewolf. In the late Middle Ages, being a werewolf was as serious a crime as you could commit.

During his trial–once again, for being a werewolf–he was tortured by stretching. Sometimes the rack is just the only way you can get to the truth. Shockingly, poor Petey confessed. He learned the dark arts from a young age, practicing black magic by the time he was twelve. He was able to transform himself into a werewolf with the help of a magical belt gifted to him by the Devil. The Church believed the story, but oddly enough they never managed to find that darn belt.

Stumpp also confessed to cannibalism. According to his true accounting of the horrific events that led to the accusations levied against him, he chowed down at least fourteen kids. He liked the taste of human veal so much that he ripped the fetuses out of two pregnant women he’d already eaten, and wolfed them down too. He described the meals as “dainty morsels,” describing his hunger for raw, hot meat. Among the fourteen kids was his son. Stumpp ate his brain.

He also had an alleged incestuous relationship with his own daughter, who, no surprise, was obviously sentenced to die with him. You have to scour the infection completely, after all.

If these crimes weren’t enough, he also had sex with a succubus. Another gift from the Devil.

The execution of these truly heinous individuals put any act of brutality committed in the Roman Colosseum to absolute shame. Stumpp’s daughter was flayed living, and then strangled to death.

Stumpp didn’t have it so good. The flesh was torn from his body by heated pincers. His limbs were smashed with the flat side of an axe so that he could never be raised from the dead (always a concern). He was then beheaded. His body was burned alongside his daughter’s on a pyre. Done is done, or it would have been, but there was a point to be made. As a deterrent, Peter’s severed head was shoved atop a pole.

For some reason this version of events is contested. Some people believe that the whole charade was a political ploy by the Church to prevent anyone else converting from catholicism (as Peter had likely done). How silly!