WEIRD CRIMES: Missouri Man Arrested After Licking Walmart Products

Not everyone is taking the novel coronavirus outbreak seriously. The Appalachian Trail Conservancy (ATC) has notified thru-hikers to stay away from the trail because the AT has become the “opposite of social distancing.” This is because day hikers have flooded the trail in historic numbers after becoming bored at home. College kids on Spring Break refused to leave Florida beaches despite the likelihood of transmitting the coronavirus in high numbers.

And then there are the people who lick grocery products to say to the world, “I’m not scared of you, COVID-19!”

Thankfully, they get arrested for being imbeciles.

Cody Lee Pfister used social media to distribute a video of him licking various Walmart products. He can be heard asking, “Who’s scared of coronavirus?” The video quickly went viral for all the right reasons, and Pfister was arrested and charged. Even citizens of other countries called the Warrenton Police Department to report Pfister’s callous actions toward the rest of society. He was charged with making a terrorist threat — because police are taking incidents like these very seriously.

Lieutenant Justin Unger of the Warrenton Police Department said, “We take this incident very seriously, especially with this infection disease and the state that the country is in. We take these things seriously to protect our community.

One criminal complaint alleged that Pfister “knowingly caused a false belief or fear that a condition involving danger to life existed.”

Criminal defense attorney Patrick J. Coyne defended Pfister’s actions by reminding the public that the World Health Organization had yet to classify the coronavirus outbreak as a pandemic at the time the video was recorded. He said, “Public conduct that was immature on March 10 looks completely differently through the lens of today.”

Others have been arrested and charged for making coronavirus-related terrorist threats as well. One New Jersey man purposely coughed on a grocery store employee after the two had a minor confrontation. George Falcone, the criminal cougher, laughed in the worker’s face. Falcone said he was infected with the virus. 

We can expect more incidents such as these, in large part because the president and the media continue to compare the novel coronavirus to the seasonal flu, which is actually a much less fatal and much less infectious illness. Were the coronavirus outbreak to be left to its own devices, millions would likely perish, and the economy would be ruined — which is why Trump’s desire to let the coronavirus run amuck so he can reopen the economy makes very little sense.